Face to face when all is done.

I remember the first time I heard the song "There's a stirring." It was in Atlanta, at Burnt Hickory Church of Christ for my uncle's funeral. There must have been two hundred people in that room, because I remember it being so incredibly hot. At one point, one of his friends quoted him in saying the apostles were "pretty cool dudes." Ha, I come from good people. That's not the point. The point is that since then I've always loved that song. We started singing it some at my home church after that, but I still think of that funeral every time I hear it.

There's a stirring deep within me,
Could it be my time has come?
When I see my gracious Savior,
face to face when all is done.

Is that His voice I am hearing,
Come away my precious one.
Is he calling me?
Is he calling me?

I will rise up, rise up
and bow down
and lay my crown
at his wounded feet.

I've always thought that the stirring was at the end of your life. I always thought it was talking about death, right? That's why we sang it at a funeral, right? Now, I'm just not so sure.

I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do after graduation, and the one thing that keeps nagging at me is that I have to find something to blend the talent of writing with mission work. Also, I know this isn't in Alabama. My question is this: Am I just wanting an adventure, or is this a stirring?

I've only been called a few times in my life. I was called to Houston, Texas, to fall in love with the hispanic babies. I was called into the Darien rainforest. I was called into journalism. Now I just wonder, am I being called to serve far away? I always promised God that I would go if he sent me a husband that wanted to go; but after this year, I've learned that I don't need a husband in order to answer His call. If this is truly my calling, I'm going to have to at least start it alone. Am I being called to another country? Or is this just my post-grad adventure speaking? I wouldn't be the first one to backpack through Europe after graduation, but maybe I could be one of the ones who settle in a small town and work for His glory? I suppose only time will tell.

Grace and Peace,
-jg

Old Habits.

I caught myself in a familiar situation this morning. I don't know how many times I've done it, but almost every Sunday for the past 21 years I have stood on my toes and leaned over the pew to watch people come down during the song of invitation in a Church of Christ. I love that perfect moment, that one instant when they start walking faster. It happens when they're about halfway down the aisle and they almost start running.

I think life's like that, sort of.

I think you sit still for so long and you hear so many sermons then you start to walk. Then, I think Jesus meets you halfway and you have to start running to Him. I've started running now. The most important part of the Christian life isn't grace and forgiveness anymore. The most important part of the Christian life is glorifying Him in all that I do. Yep, I've started to run.

I've been so blessed this semester. I have a church family that I'm not sure how I lived without for 3 years. I've been reunited with so many of the GHS/Mayfair people who have reminded me where my roots are. It's so hard to remember that being different isn't always good. I often forget that the new trend, style, theology isn't always the best. I've been so blessed by those who reminded me that I was raised to be classic. We were the girls who wore pearls to Grissom, made straight As, didn't dance bad at Prom, and then knew how to shoot a gun and hold our own in Mexico. We were taught to act properly in public, but then get dirty and sweaty with the little hispanic babies on mission trips. We've seen heartache. We were blessed, but until you've had to leave a baby in the arms of a drug addict on the streets of Houston, Texas, you will never know the heartache we've felt. We were the students that teachers loved, even though we had a little tendency to be mischievous. We're the girls who still hold on to that old mantra that "we're the girls they'll want to marry, not date" with the hope that the good Lord has our Prince Charming picked out for us when we are ready to receive him. I'm so thankful for this reminder.

God is faithful.
Grace and Peace,
-jg

Old School.

Last night, I sat in my journalism ethics class and listened to this conversation.
Girl one: "Are there any hookah bars in Tuscaloosa?"
Guy: "yea blah blah blah it's here here here."
Girl: "But is it a good hookah? Do you get one free if you buy a meal?"
Guy: blah blah blah no.
Girl: "but HOOKAH HOOKAH HOOKAH"

So, I'm exaggerating. The bottom line is that there are somethings ladies should not do or discuss. The inexplicable infatuation with a "hookah" is numero uno. The fact that I hate that word puts it above some other more-descriptive things.

Here's my list.
TEN THINGS THAT GIRLS SHOULD NEVER DO:

1. Don't talk about smoking. Or smoke. No "Hookahs" no cigarettes, no pot. Don't do it. You lose your femininity, and it's gross. Stop it. Be a lady.
2. Don't talk about sex. There is one friend who I do this with, because she's a medical professional and it's always from a scientific point of view. Save that for your husband. Under no circumstances should you ever talk about this in mixed company.
3. Don't swear. Don't, don't don't don't don't.
4. Don't talk about alcohol. It's not lady like to discuss what beer you drank with who and how many times you fell down the stairs. I wish you could see how trashy you look.
5. NO TATTOOS.
6. Sit with your legs crossed. Remember your mother saying that? She was right. Crossed at the knee for casual conversation, crossed at the ankles for things that are more formal (ie interviews, funerals, weddings, ect.)
7. Watch those facebook photos. You will look trashy. Just untag yourself.
8. Keep your manicure good. And pedicure. Actually, just be feminine. Nails short, clean, not some crazy color. Red for winter/Christmas. Pink/nude for everyday.
9. Stand up straight. I walk around campus and see so many girls slouching. Stand up.
10. Keep some mystery. Keep it classy, ladies.

OK, so this has been a rant. The bottom line is that we're called to be different- set apart. Equality does not mean having to be one of the boys. Don't expect to be treated like them, and don't accept it. Guys, don't swear in front of girls. Just don't.

Grace and Peace,
jg

You give me fever...

I've had a fever for the past 3 days. I've always liked having them, kinda. They make you go a little loopy, just enough so that it's fun to be inside your head. Right now, I just want to break out some Ella Fitzgerald...you give me fever, when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight. I'd give anything to be with LeftSide these days. I miss those girls.

I've been reading Tozer lately. Man, I wish I could write like him.

Last night in my Bible Study, we talked about Catherine of Siena. Her story is incredible, but one of the main things that struck me was in her letters which I'm sorting through as I write this. I love letter writing. It's a lost art. The following quotation is my favorite so far. So just read it, enjoy it, and be jealous because a woman that didn't even know how to write dictated these words to the Pope.

"So come, come! Delay no longer, so you may soon set up camp against the unbelievers, and so you will not be frustrated in the endeavor by these rotten members who are rebelling against you![10] I am asking you, and I want you to play a holy trick on them—I mean the kindness I've been telling about.[11] This will be for them a fire of love, burning coals that you will heap on their heads.[12] In this way you will have gained both them and their material means to help you wage a real war against the unbelievers. This is what our gentle Savior did. By heaping such burning hot love on those who were rebelling against him, he succeeded little by little in making them his helpers, bearers of God's name. Take, for example, that dear preacher Paul.[13] He was a wolf, but he became a lamb, a gracious vessel of love[14]—and the fire with which Christ filled his vessel he carried through the whole world. He uprooted vice from Christians and planted virtue in them; unbelievers he drew away from error and unbelief, and offered them the light of faith. Now this is what gentle First Truth is telling you and wants you to do. What you have received, give.[15]

Unbelievable.

Grace and Peace,
-jg

Perfection vs. Swine Flu

I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning convinced I had Swine Flu. I had a terrible headache, my body hurt, and I had a fever. So, I emailed my bosses and missed my first class and woke up around 9:30.

It's been a few months since I really wanted to read His word. I love LOVE how Jim Elliot once put it that if he could get anymore out of it by eating it, he would just eat the pages. The weird thing is that in my letter to God last night, I only asked him to talk back. I pray all the time, but I hardly ever Him talk back. I had a dream last night, though, where I was in all these awkward situations with people I didn't want to see and God said STOP. Just stop. I woke up from it confused, as usual, but now I think I get it. It took a Swine flu scare, but I stopped long enough to read His word today. I study so hard to be a good writer, because I've always planned on being a Christian in the media and use this career as a mission opportunity. I study hard. I study hard to learn Spanish, to learn the ins and outs of journalism, but somewhere along the way I neglected to study what's going to make me a good Christian in this world. It's like when you go into a test and realize you forgot to study the back page of the study guide. No, Mid terms are going to have to take a backseat for a few days. I need to go find me some Elliot, Tozer, Nee or Jeremiah.

In other news, I was so happy to find out that the reading today for my discipleship group was Psalm 95 because it's hands-down one of my favorite songs.

Come let us sing for Joy to the Lord, let us shout aloud (clap, clap, clap) to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before Him with thanksgiving, and extol him in music and song.

I used to love it because we got to clap and that's such contraband in the Church, but now I just love that Psalm.

I looked for a youtube video of the fast, acapella version, but I couldn't find it. You'll just have to imagine.

It took a Swine Flu scare, but I had the perfect morning.

Grace and Peace,
-jg

Take and seal it.

I wish God would seal my heart a little better. Like a wax dot on an envelope when the king used to put his ring in it. It's been a long day. I'm broken today. I went into journalism wanting to be a light, but somedays I'm just a little girl. Days like today I'm just a little girl lost in a newsroom. The people are lost. It scares me to death that these are the people who are controlling our world.

It's funny how the devil gets you. I've been so thankful lately, then out of the blue an old acquaintance contacted me. This was one of the most ungodly relationships I had ever been in. I'm ashamed to say it, but for just once I wanted to try it like the rest of the world. It has haunted me ever since then. There's a long story, but the bottom line is that we were called for so much more. Our argument quickly turned to this:

Is it possible to be in love with Jesus Christ and still talk badly to your brother? Can you be in love with the Lord in all of his perfectness, and still curse?

I don't think you can. I tried to hate him, I did. I tried to hate so many people, but I can't. I can't wish anything bad on them. I can't wish that they don't come to heaven. I can't do it.

My other question:
Can you be in love with Him and not proclaim His glory?

Again, I just don't think it's possible. I don't think you can do it. I know that grace comes into play, but when you're in love, you don't want to talk bad. The temptation is gone.

We talked about the clean life, too. Can we live for Christ and still get drunk? Can we still have sex? Can we sin knowing that we can just ask for forgiveness later? I don't think it works that way.

It's crazy. I don't think this post makes much sense. I'm still a little girl in so many ways. I try to be a good example, but usually fail. All I know is that I'm not ok with the Christianity that has been accepted by so many of my peers. Knowing John 3:16 and the ten commandments isn't enough. I want the Holy Spirit. I want the pure life. The life without alcohol, without drugs, without ungodly relationships. It's radical, but I want to stop looking at texts from last night and fmylife.com. That's not good to be putting in my head. I. Want. More.

I've broken out my old Bible tonight. Not the Spanish one I usually use. This is the Bible that I used to sit outside for hours reading. This is the one I took to Houston on my first mission. This is the one that I've cried into, written all over and have been changed by.

It has post its all over the back of my favorite quotes:

"This is what I believe in: Jesus Christ, clean living, joyful, radiant, happy worship; good, sweet fellowship and kindliness; and patience and endurance and honesty; the missionary outlook and good decency and separation from all things that are wrong. Above all things, worship the Lord in the beauty of His holiness and learn to know the wondrous sound of the shepard's voice." A.W. Tozer.

Yolanda

I've been looking at this picture all afternoon. Her name is Yolanda. She's 5. I'm now sponsoring her through World Vision, a Christian organization that helps children in poverty. I can't wait to start writing letters and sending toys. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, right? I like to think she's rowdy. She looks how I feel most days. Hair messed up, a little dirty, tired. She doesn't trust whomever is taking that picture.

I think this kid can hold her own. She has two brothers, and I bet she just finished beating them in soccer (futbol) when she stopped to take this picture.

I write all the time about how blessed I've been. But, what makes me so blessed and her so poor? I'll never understand. Never. I've written that same questions in prayer journals, letters, mission journals, I've asked God, I've asked missionaries. There's never an answer.

I miss Panama. I miss Mexico. I miss spending the nights outside just talking to my mission team and the people we're working with. We (I) get so wrapped up in the world. I know I want to be successful. It's always been my plan to be a successful writer so I could either A. be a Christian journalist or B. Be a good example in a newsroom because newsrooms are possibly the vilest workplaces. It's all about how to look good, how to act right, how to be the best. And, I think my intentions are pretty good. I mean, I do want to achieve those things so I can glorify Him. I still believe that the Lord helps those who help themselves. I believe that so much. But maybe I've forgotten to bring the lessons I learned in Panama, Mexico and Houston back into the workplace. I mean, in just 7 hours I've fallen head-over-heels in love with this picture of this little girl. Why can't I do that with the people I'm around all the time?

Anyways, my favorite show is on TV, the sweetest puppy is asleep at my feet, some brand new pajamas are waiting for me and tomorrow is just another chance to get it all right. I'm so thankful for my little reminder of what it's all about.

I think it's funny to say somethings "keep us grounded" when really they keep our minds to the heavens, not to the ground.

Grace and Peace,
jg

Good day!

Daddy had tests done today and is perfectly fine. Praise the Lord.

I got to talk to him a little hopped up on anesthesia and he kept saying "I'm ten feet tall and bulllleeetttpppprrrrooooffffffff."

If you know Daddy, you realize just how funny that is.

Naps with Daisy. Good afternoon shopping. Football tonight, a chance to learn more. Football tomorrow with one of my favorite people.

Yep, I can't complain these days.

Grace and Peace,
jg

Just the faith of an empty hand.

I love Jars of Clay. Right now, I love their version of "Amazing Grace."

These are the lyrics:
I grew this heart into a drifter
I never felt the roots I bare
I sold my sight, oh brother, sister
For a mountain of fool's gold, it's gone
Only God knows, God knows where

My soul was restless for redemption
My feet were lookin' for a place to stand
Well I ain't got no life
And you know I ain't got no money
Just the faith of an empty hand

Amazing Grace I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun is risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

I hitched a ride, I was a beggar
I had murder on my hands
I needed water to rinse these stains
But only blood could remove what's spillin'
And pardon me the blame

Amazing Grace I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun is risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

My favorite part is the "My soul was restless for redemption/ My feet were looking for a place to stand/ Well I aint got no life/ And you know I aint got no money/Just the faith of an empty hand."

I think that's how I've felt these past few weeks. I'm still in that intermediate period between adult and college. My heart says grow up. My heart says it's time to become a woman of God, it's time to take responsibility, and it's time to refocus. My surroundings, however, only say to think about today and tonight. I'm ready to graduate. I'm not wishing away my senior year, but I'm ready to stand on my own. I don't have solid ground right now.

I think sometimes God shows you the good so you can see what the bad is. I've been blessed lately. Every day something new and wonderful (be it weather, a new friend, a new opportunity) comes along. Then some days are like today. Alabama won (ROLL TIDE) but I'm specifically talking about the pre-game part of the day. I'm tired of being the only sober one. I'm tired of being the only girl that expects to be treated like a lady. I'm tired of being the only one that doesn't swear. I'm tired of being the good example.

The thing is, giving in isn't an option. I am tired of all those things, but I'm not about to conform to them. We get desensitized. You see the real bad and forget that the medium bad isn't good. Make sense? Drunkenness, compared to murder is a little thing, right? But drunkenness, compared to living fully for Him, is a big thing. I think sometimes God shows us His life so that we can remember that just because the world accepts something, we don't have think it's ok.

I miss Panama. I miss the simple life there. Still, God is good and the world He's showing me these days is unbelievable.

Amazing grace I feel you coming up slowly now...

Don't forget, you're a magnolia tree.

Today was the big interview. It went well and I'm so ready to be working from them. The cool thing today was that I saw first hand how blessed I am. I've always known, but there's some times where you're just overwhelmed in seeing how He's blessed you.

As I was sitting outside the office waiting for the interview, all of this hit me. I got a Facebook message earlier from my cousin saying, among other things, "You're a lion. Go take what is yours." Then a string of text messages and phone calls wishing me good luck. Then on my way out, my cousin/roommate told me this, "Good luck. And, don't forget- You're a magnolia tree."

I have some amazing friends and family.

But it doesn't end there. How blessed are we to live in a country that can hold our own when something like 9/11 happens? We may have a lot wrong with us, but we've never been cowards. Land of the free, home of the brave.

Also, I started thinking how much of a blessing my education is. Internship aside, I had a great opportunity to meet with someone who made it in the industry today. I got to see what she's looking for, what I need to improve, and what's going to make me a better writer.

I have the opportunity to work with some of the best tonight. I get to go on a football field and have a blast. Thank God for opportunities.

This is so much more that I could ever deserve.

God Bless America.

-jg

Per Chance to dream.

I'm to that point of sleep deprivation where you're not tired anymore, you're just silly. You know that point? It's right before you decide to make John Mayer lyrics your facebook status.

Wouldn't fall weather be good right about now? Something with pretty leaves and good fall clothes and cowboy boots?!

My interview for Southern Progress is tomorrow. I haven't been this nervous since the Dance Masters of America interviews when I was 14. Hopefully I won't tell these people that "I want to end up somewhere between Carie Bradshaw and C.S. Lewis" like I did that time.

I've got to proofread my resume and hopefully get some sleep. I'm going on >4 hours each night for the past 3 weeks. Of those 4 hours, I spend about 30 minutes waking up because I keep dreaming my alarm is going off.

I need a nap. I have a Spanish presentation in a few minutes. Disaster waiting to happen? definitely. There's a boy in that class that speaks 7 languages. Goodness.

To sleep perchance (per chance?) to dream. Mr. Shakespeare, you can take your dreams. I'll settle for some good ol' REM sleep right now.

-jg

Theme?

So, I started blog-stalking some people today. Here's what I found: They all have a theme! Great TV shows, football, healthy eating, kids. Mine doesn't have a theme. OH NO. I have another blog that I've just started that includes all the crazy stuff that happens to me on my road to becoming a good journalist, but this one? This one doesn't have a theme. I came up with some ideas.

1. Experiments in fast food. Think along the lines of "Supersize Me." I eat out for 3 meals a day and I'm pretty small, so maybe there is a way to eat fast food and still be healthy.
2. Football from a girly girl's point of view.
3. Best of youtube.com. Check this one out: The reason some girls stay single. It's hilarious.
4. Cleanliness. Something like Real Simple maybe?
5. Running?

Then I realized that this blog might actually already have a purpose. It's purpose is to encourage, inspire and entertain the girls like me. We're the simple ones, the driven to succeed, the ones who won't settle for average, the ones who want all this world can give us and then some. We're the ones that live the pure life, and that's probably never going to be easy again. If I tell my stories of the simple life, I want you to read them and know you're not alone.

There are going to be bad days. I hardly ever like Tuesdays. I mean, God why do you have Tuesdays? I can't remember ever having a wonderful Tuesday. But, when you have bad days and read about my bad days, I hope you realize you're not alone. You're not the only one who still believes in good manners and Southern gentility. You're not the only one who won't settle for a boy that won't open the door. You're not the only one who goes a little crazy sometimes. I do it too. Oh well. It's our craziness that keeps us all from going insane.

I think this blog is also about blessings. Sometimes you need to remember how blessed you are, and I hope that something I write will jog your memory of something you're thankful for. Maybe I can remind you about your family or friends? I hope so.

And now, at this very moment, I'm thankful for Hanes men's tshirts, cotton pajama shorts, clean sheets and a puppy to curl up at the end of my bed.

So, there's your theme. Life is good. We've been blessed.

Grace and Peace,
-jg

Oh we've hopelessly lost our way.

It's been one of those days.

One of those days where you run the marathon, fight the good fight and still lose.

And then I got home. Then I saw my front door, my puppy and my little house. I love it.

On our walk I realized something- I'm too blessed for this. I'm too blessed to stay stressed out. We walked outside and felt the sun. Deep breath. We're not in control.

Earlier today, my Momma emailed me this:

You know freaking out before you need to. And if you don't get it, that just means that God has a different plan. And he is much better at figuring out what we need then we are. Thank goodness for that. You need to settle down, and "get your head right".

I've been stressed out about an interview I have Friday. When I was a sophomore, a girl told me that I would never get this internship and that I should "aim lower." So, the application, the interview, the whole thing has been hanging over my head for more than two years now. Can I do it? Am I talented enough? Maybe. But momma reminded me today that I'm really not in control. If I get it, I'll be thrilled. I'm a hard worker, I'm qualified, and I'd be a good intern. If I don't get it, then God has other plans and His plans will always be greater than mine. How nice.

I live the clean life, and from here on out, it's going to be cleaner. I don't swear. I'm a good girl. I watch the way I act around guys. Right now the only thing on my mind is being a good, ethical journalist. In all that you do, do it for the glory of God. Right?

The interview will come and go this Friday. I may get the internship- I hope so much that I do. But, if I don't, I'll keep working. I'll keep giving everything my all.

It's comforting, don't you think? To know that working hard and living simply won't go to waste.

I'm loving the song "Wonderful, Merciful Savior" right now.

-jg

If I just breathe, every little thing you'll see, everything is all right.

I wonder how long this will last. These insane panic attacks that are brought on by the mix of excitement for the future and fear that I haven't prepared enough. I'm ready to graduate. I'm ready to move to another city and start over. I'm ready emotionally, but in the back of my mind I can't help but to wonder if I shouldn't have gotten one more internship or studied a little bit harder. I compulsively edit my resume. Every time I learn a new skill, I update it immediately. I'm addicted to job search web sites. I have a secret fund reserved just for a new house. I have a list of cities I want to move to:

1. Nashville
2. Birmingham
3. Atlanta
4. Dallas
5. Charleston
6. Richmond

It reminds me of waiting to see what college I would get into. I had the grades, but there was still that anticipation in not knowing. I don't know if I'll get a job. Three years of preparation might have not been enough. After all, isn't that what we're all afraid of-not being good enough?

My mission trips are listed at the bottom of my resume with my community service and languages spoken. I hope people look at those.

So, in this unbelievably confusing and exciting time, I'm running on pure adrenaline. I've forgotten what it's like to sleep without worrying. I've forgotten what it's like to stop. To just stop and be still and know that He's here. I promised that I wouldn't stop while I was in college. The Lord helps those who help themselves. Right? The more I think about it though, the more I realize that that's not true. The Lord helps those who love Him. I wonder if everyone is going through this. Are they all panicked? Probably.

I told someone tonight that I was going to do something stupid soon. It's true. I'm going to hit the wall and lock myself out of my apartment or lock my keys in my car or crash or something. It's unavoidable.


God is good.
-jg