Just the faith of an empty hand.

I love Jars of Clay. Right now, I love their version of "Amazing Grace."

These are the lyrics:
I grew this heart into a drifter
I never felt the roots I bare
I sold my sight, oh brother, sister
For a mountain of fool's gold, it's gone
Only God knows, God knows where

My soul was restless for redemption
My feet were lookin' for a place to stand
Well I ain't got no life
And you know I ain't got no money
Just the faith of an empty hand

Amazing Grace I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun is risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

I hitched a ride, I was a beggar
I had murder on my hands
I needed water to rinse these stains
But only blood could remove what's spillin'
And pardon me the blame

Amazing Grace I feel you coming up slowly now
Like the sun is risin', heat on my face
Oh love that keeps on shinin', don't let the shadow come
Ya know I gotta feel your healin' rays

My favorite part is the "My soul was restless for redemption/ My feet were looking for a place to stand/ Well I aint got no life/ And you know I aint got no money/Just the faith of an empty hand."

I think that's how I've felt these past few weeks. I'm still in that intermediate period between adult and college. My heart says grow up. My heart says it's time to become a woman of God, it's time to take responsibility, and it's time to refocus. My surroundings, however, only say to think about today and tonight. I'm ready to graduate. I'm not wishing away my senior year, but I'm ready to stand on my own. I don't have solid ground right now.

I think sometimes God shows you the good so you can see what the bad is. I've been blessed lately. Every day something new and wonderful (be it weather, a new friend, a new opportunity) comes along. Then some days are like today. Alabama won (ROLL TIDE) but I'm specifically talking about the pre-game part of the day. I'm tired of being the only sober one. I'm tired of being the only girl that expects to be treated like a lady. I'm tired of being the only one that doesn't swear. I'm tired of being the good example.

The thing is, giving in isn't an option. I am tired of all those things, but I'm not about to conform to them. We get desensitized. You see the real bad and forget that the medium bad isn't good. Make sense? Drunkenness, compared to murder is a little thing, right? But drunkenness, compared to living fully for Him, is a big thing. I think sometimes God shows us His life so that we can remember that just because the world accepts something, we don't have think it's ok.

I miss Panama. I miss the simple life there. Still, God is good and the world He's showing me these days is unbelievable.

Amazing grace I feel you coming up slowly now...