Take and seal it.

I wish God would seal my heart a little better. Like a wax dot on an envelope when the king used to put his ring in it. It's been a long day. I'm broken today. I went into journalism wanting to be a light, but somedays I'm just a little girl. Days like today I'm just a little girl lost in a newsroom. The people are lost. It scares me to death that these are the people who are controlling our world.

It's funny how the devil gets you. I've been so thankful lately, then out of the blue an old acquaintance contacted me. This was one of the most ungodly relationships I had ever been in. I'm ashamed to say it, but for just once I wanted to try it like the rest of the world. It has haunted me ever since then. There's a long story, but the bottom line is that we were called for so much more. Our argument quickly turned to this:

Is it possible to be in love with Jesus Christ and still talk badly to your brother? Can you be in love with the Lord in all of his perfectness, and still curse?

I don't think you can. I tried to hate him, I did. I tried to hate so many people, but I can't. I can't wish anything bad on them. I can't wish that they don't come to heaven. I can't do it.

My other question:
Can you be in love with Him and not proclaim His glory?

Again, I just don't think it's possible. I don't think you can do it. I know that grace comes into play, but when you're in love, you don't want to talk bad. The temptation is gone.

We talked about the clean life, too. Can we live for Christ and still get drunk? Can we still have sex? Can we sin knowing that we can just ask for forgiveness later? I don't think it works that way.

It's crazy. I don't think this post makes much sense. I'm still a little girl in so many ways. I try to be a good example, but usually fail. All I know is that I'm not ok with the Christianity that has been accepted by so many of my peers. Knowing John 3:16 and the ten commandments isn't enough. I want the Holy Spirit. I want the pure life. The life without alcohol, without drugs, without ungodly relationships. It's radical, but I want to stop looking at texts from last night and fmylife.com. That's not good to be putting in my head. I. Want. More.

I've broken out my old Bible tonight. Not the Spanish one I usually use. This is the Bible that I used to sit outside for hours reading. This is the one I took to Houston on my first mission. This is the one that I've cried into, written all over and have been changed by.

It has post its all over the back of my favorite quotes:

"This is what I believe in: Jesus Christ, clean living, joyful, radiant, happy worship; good, sweet fellowship and kindliness; and patience and endurance and honesty; the missionary outlook and good decency and separation from all things that are wrong. Above all things, worship the Lord in the beauty of His holiness and learn to know the wondrous sound of the shepard's voice." A.W. Tozer.